RELATED: Never Say These 4 Words at a Wedding, Etiquette Expert Warns. According to August Abbott, PhD, a relationship counselor and etiquette expert on JustAnswer, who has spent 40 years teaching etiquette classes, the worst thing you can say to someone who is divorcing is, “I knew it wouldn’t last.” To express this sentiment is to fail to honor the commitment the person initially made to the marriage—and planned to keep before circumstances derailed it. RELATED: Never Say These 5 Words at a Funeral, Expert Warns. As Abbott notes, “The fact remains that when this person stood at the altar, or wherever, and made that vow to be together forever, they meant it. They expected it. There was nothing but love, honor, and truth behind it. Now that it’s ending, it’s like a death.” With that in mind, it’s important that you show respect for that commitment, regardless of your private feelings. There is no such thing as a painless divorce. “No matter how happy the divorced or divorcing individual may seem, make no mistake: Even the worst of the worst endings have a degree of loss in there somewhere,” Abbott says. “Sometimes it’s right up front and in the open, other times it’s buried underneath the false face of bravado.” That’s why she says the best way to talk to someone going through a divorce is to offer unwavering, unconditional support—without vocalizing too much of a stance on the former partner. “Never criticize the ex, nor pump the ex up as a great person,” she says. “Focus instead on this person in front of you and let them know that despite their being so brave, it’s OK to mourn the loss of hope if not [the loss of] the person in particular.“ae0fcc31ae342fd3a1346ebb1f342fcb RELATED: For more etiquette advice delivered straight to your inbox, sign up for our daily newsletter. Even if the divorcing person seems relieved about the split—and even if it’s truly for the best—“in the quietest of moments all alone, they are likely going through the stages of mourning,” Abbott says. And that’s just plain hard. So most of all, she says, the best thing you can do for someone going through a divorce is to make yourself available as a nonjudgmental sounding board, and a true friend. “Be there to listen,” she says, “any time, any day.” RELATED: The One Word You Should Never Say to Someone Who’s Angry, Experts Say.
